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Originally Posted by Glice
If I could threaten an honest appraisal of that, there's a bit too much qualification. 'Decompression' works as an allusion only if you remove the 'naturally' following. For me, SF works best when its world is allowed to be banal. Which you've done by throwing 'flown' in in an offhand fashion. Sandra's status as girlfriend will be presumed. 'Hovering' seems a weak description. The last sentence suddenly veers into something approximating Victorian style, solely due to using 'capricious'.
I say this with the caveat that I think you're probably capable of taking this criticism and telling me to fuck off without taking it to heart. And it's not necessarily bad, assuming you've got some arc/ structure for the narrative. I've tried short narrative fiction before, and it's an absolute fucker.
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Well, like I said, it's a practice at balancing the imagery behind the qualification (deep sea and then sky). It's not a serious attempt at all. The arc mostly revolves around this couple using Anthony's own nascent work of fiction as a proxy for their relationship. Everyone thinks they've doing fine but this prose is miserable and violent as they each edit and contribute to it. That's all I know, at the moment.
Problems obviously being my writing style, lack of a more definite structure, and knowing fuck all about relationships.