sarramkrop

Add to that mentally draining when you have friends who act/think that way. I can't really say what it's like for lesbians, but the few I know - unless they're bulldog dykes - seem to be in more 'stable' relationships.

This is not to say that there are not gay male relationships out there which work out for the best, it's the whole flirting, approach, and self-pity that putting massive emphasis on your sexuality comports when you are socialising with other gay males.

Male gays all too often are incapable of just going out, having a few beers, without retaining the mindset of someone who is waiting 'for something to happen'. Females are generally more relaxed, be they straight or gay, so they tend to work out things in more natural and less neurotic ways that often don't make them jump to quick conclusions which are heavily influenced by the sexual outcome of their sleeping around with someone.

Part of that I think happens because males are males, wether one likes it or not sex is one way most of us define our status. In the gay male psyche it's a mixture of severe insecurity masked by repressed sexuality which goes on to overshadow the little of worth someone might have to show to society. Hence the super-fast prolification of 'gay counselling' that do work for some individuals, but ultimatly detract a big amount of confidence from an individual because they seem to put the spotlight on his/her 'gay problems'.

If you think of yourself as being just a gay, rather than an individulal whose sexuality happens to be homo, don't be surprised if you end up a bundle of gay insecurity/anxiety/social inadequacy.