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So in my dream I was on ebay. But I ebay had people on it too. Sort of like a personals site where you have to pay to talk to people. So I clicked on a girl and it did Buy it Now and I was like "oh fuck." So the next morning this 19 year old girl was on my couch spread eagle and pantless, and she's says "this is my first time doing this." I ask her if she is on birth control and she says no. I tell her that I don't have a condom so I'd have to pull out early. I then tell her I'm a virgin, and we start having sex. But it was really really unpleasureful. I was in priapismic pain, and I could also feel the pain of her hymen breaking. I pulled out, but then went back in. It was terrible. I didn't ejaculate. I never do in dreams.
From there the dream sort of got blurry. It was sort of in story mode. Apparently we kept doing it from there and kept seeing eachother. Then she was broke up with me and so I was looking on ebay again, and saw it this 2nd time for the filthy site it really was.
But then I wanted her back, so she invited me to this big huge scary old duplex house of her grandfathers. But she really wasn't arousing me--she was different now with blonde curly hair, not as attractive, and sort of annoying. Everytime we'd try something, there would be someone there in the room.
I then remember some older guy had sex with her and I could see it and he screamed out his social security number. Apparently in this odd future world I found myself in, that was part of having sex, like you had to be validated from now on.
I also remember a bar being behind the duplex with a glowing neon PIXIES. sign that looked really awesome. It looked like a part of a landscape of a former dream I had.
I also remember driving around a golf course.
Another dream seemed to fade in and out. I remember being alone and from a first person perspective exploring a mos eisley/american western town. The terrain and building layouts reminded me of old crappy first person shooters, like Lucasarts Outlaws.
I remember though no enemies in this town, but I remember finding a town meeting of people. It seemed very 1800ish utopian society like. They were looking for a girl, and I wasn't certain if she was a young girl or an older girl, but they said she was the most beautiful girl in the hair. I said, "Does she have brown hair?" They said yes. So I started looking in the halls of this building. I remember finding a bunch of chairs and stuff blocking the hall (very Half-life esque) So I moved them all and found a little girl alone in the dark kitchen. She definitely wasn't the most beautiful girl. But I remember she insulted me. The dream began to fade out and into the main dream here.
Something always goes wrong in my sex dreams. I never have a condom and something immediately bad happens.
I think I'm either afraid of sex, afraid of STDs, afraid of impregnating a woman and then being locked into a marriage from one stupid mistake. Or my subconsciousness is telling me that I should carry around condoms because sex strikes when you'd never expect it to.
For reference, I once had a dream where I had sex with this blonde girl that also happened to be 19 (I think I have a fascination with that age of women) in that dream she rode on top of me and turned into a monster during the problem. After the sex she transformed back to herself and I felt bonded to her, and upon meeting meeting real girls(the main girl is always one I have never met before) that I had former crushes on later in the dream, I had to hold myself back from hitting on them. I think I have unresolved issues with a lot of girls that I once had crushes on.
In last nights dream, the sex scene was missionary. So when I am on the bottom the girl turns into a scary dominant monster, when I am on top it is painful. I think I have a fear of a girl dominating my life (not neccesarily sexually, I know I don't fear that) but I also have a fear of being an initiator in relationships.
I always try to write songs about my incredibly vivid dreams, I'll probably do that sometime soon.
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