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Originally Posted by dead_battery
well my own situation is indeed almost hopeless and mired in familial conflict, social isolation, unemployment and the desolate stupidity of a country of drunken fucking folksy christo-fascist bumpkins degenerating into tribalist terrorism.
however my knowledge of the human condition, however biased and pathetic that might be, does not find any hope or redemption in it.
even when i try to disassociate my own life from my worldview, i'm still left with absolutely appalled and terrified conclusions. i am also deeply deeply anxious at what i think science is preparing to reveal to us about what we actually are and how our brains work. i agree with scott bakker. we're going to lose free will, meaning, morality and all our pretenses in an onslaught of scientific proof that mercilessly disenchants US just as we disenchanted the natural world. all the comforts of religion and art will be nothing more than aesthetic historicisms.
what are we left with? a meaningless, violent, indifferent, nihilistic universe, trapped in brains that are blind to their own inner workings, trying to convince ourselves that whatever cheap thrills we can find can abate our terrible anxieties, fear and suffering. working for money just to survive, embedded in decaying economic systems. if i found anyone who didn't just want to smile for no reason in a senseless denial of everything, trying and failing to make enjoyment the sole justification for living - i could probably truly love them. as it stands im still searching.
i see a world in which it is absolutely arbitrary if evil and violence result from our actions. there really is no judge or punishment most of the time. theres no force to bring moral balance to the excesses of behaviour. all the hopes we had about our spirit and the triumph of civilized values seem to me almost completely lost. maybe this is all melodramatic romanticism - and maybe the problem is i lack the cognitive framework to escape that?
i have optimism, but it has nothing to do with enjoying life or the potential for peace. i see technological trends that will totally fucking upend our way of living - great - but its nothing but more chaos. i see people around me and myself, despite the war i wage, degenerating into moronic hedonists. i see a lot of exhaustion, plagues of mental illness, but no cure. just more chaos and a kind of bleak instrumentalized economic reality that is preparing to send us all back to fucking victorian era poverty. i think the future for 1st world proles like ourselves is going to be hellish. i dont think the economy is going to come roaring back anytime soon. all our civilized accomplishments can regress so easily but we fail to see it happening before our very eyes.
i think our entire social and economic framework is deeply deeply flawed and can't continue. the world is catastrophe and chaos and media hallucinations will no longer successfully derealize it. there has been no response from all the art and music i loved other than a doubling down on the denial, which is why i think there has been so much cheery indie twee twatness in indie music recently.
in a sense i see myself as in LESS denial than most other people who seem to alternate between blissful idiotic positivity for its own sake and sneery nihilist rage. and i'm probably totally fucking wrong about that. i think the attitude that reigns now - of positivity for its own sake - is the most total denial and indicative of absolute despair under the surface.
and what drives me mad is my implication in the murderous slaughtermachine that our states have become. wtf am i supposed to do? sneer and laugh or applaud at the killing of innocents in the middle east that we commit? we are killing and being killed, murdering ourselves in despair in lost wars. but the average person is happy to have this reality edited out by hollywood movies and i wish i could be that dumb. i dont like living in a culture where its about "who can smile the most" or "who can care the less". i dont think something retarded like sincerity or whatever is the answer but i'd fucking kill to talk to someone else who gets that. maybe thats my vanity.
the liberal idea of progress is just an old religious notion retrofitted for hopeful secular moderns like me - and its not real. that brings me to absolute despair. i thought those ideals could help bring my own country into the future along with the rest of you guys but it seems we are starting to go backwards. most of my problem stems from my blissfully ignorant and naive youth and my utopian optimism and faith that i was not on the side of evil. i'm really not so sure anymore.
anyway, i know that all this disaster means that the real fundamental changes that will bring a new future about are just on the horizon, but its still too terrifying at a gut level to find much exhilaration in that.
i'm also just NOT CONVINCED that the majority of people in my country are smart enough to maintain a modern democratic state. i dont see us being the first to install a fusion reactor or world leaders in cutting carbon emissions. i DONT see us pioneering much more scientific research than we do now, which is the bare minimum. we could be so much better but all the smart people leave for jobs elsewhere and it seems like the dipshits are getting back into power. i hope to god that we can weather the collapse that seems to be hitting parts of europe better than fucking greece. i mean, if i'd lived there i'd have to have been a survivalist or something. but it seems we're not recovering while the rest of the UK is. it seems we're going to hell and i hope i'm wrong. there is a real right wing backlash here, riots and "community groups" that are fronts for the worst kind of tribalism and all sorts of other awful forebodings.
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