[knox]

Originally Posted by kinnikpasswordforgetter

last time i read the mail it was just peter hitchens bursting into tears that the 60's happened and we aren't living in a theocracy where he gets to personally inspect the length of school girls skirts to make sure they meet his official targets.

usually, peter hitchens is bursting into tears about something. or if he's not he sounds like he's sitting in front of a rain drizzled window on a dreary tuesday shaking his head and muttering. as if he's too deadened by the weight of defeat and hopelessness to do anything but watch the droplets slide down the glass. droplets that stand in for the tears his broken soul is now too empty to shed. the only thing that seems to cheer him up is googling himself and threatening legal action against anyone who has ever said anything about him he doesn't like ever. it's like he has some sort of fragile ego or something, i know that's a pretty far fetched conclusion but i'm just putting it out there.

then you'll get liz jones making another request that all of her readers send in whatever little cash they can afford because she's broke and close to starving. she will reappear in a few weeks with facelift number 46 and some mean person will write a comment about her and the £250,000 home she lives in as if we are supposed to come to some sort of conclusion. we love you liz! what's your address so i can send you half my pension this week? don't worry love, i might go a day without food but i couldn't bear to see my favourite columnist starve.

then you'll find melanie phillips berating us for not cheerleading for israel. she'll try the angle that we 'aren't real men' and are probably some sort of homosexuals. maybe if we send her the corpses of some palestinians she can eat them and god will be pleased with her. she does have the complexion of someone whose liver is giving her problems due to too much cannibalism.

melanie phillips has an interesting approach, it involves getting indignant and then throwing random facts, assertions, imaginings, over heard assumptions and down right fabrications into a pot. then she pisses in it, then mixes it with spittle and dandruff and scoops up the slop and let's it dry out on the radiator. once it's hardened she tries to divine some sort of 'hidden right wing truth' from it but if it's too hard she let's her own 'women's intuition' fill in the rest. in real life, most people are so put off by her that they find it best to just let her have her 'little shout' and then move on. people don't often challenge her on it, which is a shame because i think she would really enjoy this. she's like a lonely dog that never gets walked barking madly in the back yard, demanding attention, but if she gets it's only annoyed people trying to get her to settle down. then they will turn their heads away and try to ignore her all the more. maybe peter hitchens should invite her round for a crying session.

then it just descends into an incoherent malestrom of SCANDAL OUTRAGE SHRILL SHRIEK WIN A MILLION WIN A LIFETIME OF BOOZE YOU'RE TOO FAT YOU'VE GOT CANCER YOU'RE GOING TO GET CANCER LOOK AT THESE SEX CRIMES AREN'T THEY SHAMEFUL HERE LOOK AT THE EXPLICIT DETAILS NOW HERE'S PICTURES OF SOME CELBERITIES 13 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IN HER G STRING ON THE BEACH PEOPLE ON BENEFITS ARE ROBBING YOU YOU'RE KEEPING THEM ALIVE WHEN THEY SHOULD BE GROUND UP AND FED TO YOUR HORSES IN THE STABLE OF THAT MANSION YOU'RE GOING TO GET WHEN YOU VOTE TORY AND WIN A MILLION IN OUR SCRATCH CARD GIVE AWAY ARRGGHHHGHRAHRHARHARHAHRAHRAHR!

Yes.
Somebody gave me OK magazine once and it was way worse than that.