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Bump - further developments have become available, so I'm posting them.
I went to see her again on Monday, because it was Valentine's Day. She doesn't have any money and can't leave the crisis center, so she made me a card and did the white board in the meeting room up with "Happy Valentine's Day [my name]!!" real big with hearts and words like "cute" and "fun", "my [her nickname for me]", "always and forever", etc. I got fast food take out for us to have a little dinner together, and I gave her a mix CD of songs I said make me think of her/us...I included Sugar Kane in there because I wanted to introduce her to Sonic Youth, and she seemed to like it...I also put the Psychedelic Furs' Pretty in Pink (the good version from 1981) on there, and it's been playing in my head all day as I've thought about her. Someone once called that song a "sad song about a unique girl", and it's fitting, because she sort of has a "happy sad" vibe to her, like she loves life (she sings along to songs she likes and wears colorful socks) but is struggling against some unseen enemy (to be honest though, I only picked it because she likes the color pink).
It was a somewhat mixed time. We shared candy hearts and she showed me her room, which was apparently against the rules since we were quickly told to go back to the meeting room. There were collages on the walls she'd made, and they made me feel good about her, because their overall vibe was "I've been badly hurt in the past, but I won't give up". However, when we were back in the meeting room, she told me she cries every night and is feeling cooped up and useless, and was thinking about running away. I told her that she should just sit tight and just try and make the best of things for now...but I don't know how much impact that had. She keeps saying she's crazy and I keep telling her she's not. I encourage her by telling her how much I believe in her and I say positive things like "remember no matter how dark the past was, the future will always be brighter", but her attitude towards getting treatment is somewhat pouty and immature. More than anything right now, she wants to get out of where she's at, if only for a little while. I'm going to talk to her foster mom to see if there isn't something we could work out. There's a bowling alley close by, and she and I both like bowling, so maybe if I could take her there on the condition I'd bring her back by a certain time, it could really help her.
At the end of the day, I can't help but wonder if maybe she knows herself better than those trying to help her do. She once told me she used to take her bad feelings out on others, and made up her mind she wouldn't anymore. Since she's been in the crisis center, she's been flexing her creative muscles and channeling her negative emotions into more positive outlets. So who's to say she can't will herself to stop taking her feelings out on herself?
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