10 things/people/situations you'd happily see the back of
 

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unemployed, living at home -----> a steady job doing something I like paying for an flat in San Francisco and everything else

fox news -------} kittens playing with balls of string.

Here you go, sort of.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKPp4j-YQ00

- Jamie Oliver replaced with a pot plant (sort immaterial)
- Cyclist's lycra replaced with a looser more befitting fabric (tweed, perhaps?)
- Awkward silences replaced with a round of high-fives.
- Social commentary beginning, 'What's the deal with...' replaced with silence/ high-fives (as appropriate)
- The personnel of the Australian cricket team replaced with that of the Dutch cricket team.
- 'Trendy' classical concerts replaced with good ones.
- The last thing in the fridge at party being cider replaced with an endless supply of port at all parties.
- My Sunday ritual of hyperactive children complaining of being bored replaced with enough sleep, a lack of hangover and the lovely kids who inhabited the shits a few years ago.
- Doing jobs for money replaced with being awesome for money (ergo, redressing my bank balance).
- Exorbitant wine bars replaced with decent ale houses (because there really aren't a million of those here [lies])

people who work at mobile phone shops --------> shimmering tubes of pink and blue neon.

working alone from home at a jesus-y organization being given no direction --> working flexible hours in an warehouse office employed amongst young budding artists who would go out to dive bars with me after work


kindles --> literacy

Berlusconi-> almost everything less dangerous
Porto Marghera-> more Venice
Bad clubs and palasports for concerts-> a fuckin auditorium, thanks
hd->ssd
tft->spva
ink->laser

starbucks - real coffee

homework------>no homework.

www.----------> xxx.

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My farts --> millions of dollars

move to japan and this will become real.

My box full of supplemental reading handouts ---> a kindle

Oh, God yes. I've actually told people to e-mail me .pdfs, but still they print it out for one and all and it still gets lost in the milieu of paper exorbitance that is my room.

bouts of depression --> chocolate addiction

every instance of procrastination in my life replaced with playing chess on a roller coaster

Circular irony ---> pellucidity, anti-tendentiousness.