Stuck in a rut!
 

Bleh! Stuck in a rut. Stuck in the house.

Everyone's asleep, and I can only think about how I did a lot of pain killers like...9 months ago.

I mean, how dumb was I?????????????????????????????????????????RIGHT?

I need a job too.

Not in that outfit, honey.

this better?

Hahaha, where on earth/net did you find that?

that was actually #1 pic when i googled "bellboy"

That's funny.

I've been miserable lately. Hence the Stuck in a Rut business. I hate to bitch, especially about my parents, but I'd rather do it here, than annoy the people I actually know.

They don't trust me any more, which is whatever, I guess they have good reason, but now they police me more than ever. I fucking hate it. They think good parenting is policing, or that is how they trick themselves into thinking they are good parents. They haven't taught me a thing about life, or any shit like that. Now I keep wondering if my little sister hadn't been born when I was 9, if things would have been any different. I think it was a crucial time, ages 9-12. When I was emotionally developing. And they really weren't around. Because of that, I've never really felt truly close to them. I don't resent my sister. I love her.

I'm really not this whiny in real life.

they caught you/ smelled you/ found you out, didn't they?

what gave it away? did you raid the fridge?

or did your sister rat you out so she'd get a new car?

I don't even know how! They apparently are sniffing the inside of my back pack. AND somehow they got into my myspace and read my messages. What the fuck.

ha ha ha.

i totally saw that coming.

i wonder if they realize that they create the emotional issues that ultimately fueled your escapades.

no, of course not.

I am so glad I got out of high school before myspace exploded.

And I don't even know how to get that across to them.

I've tried, and they just give me some "You are so spoiled" shit. Apparently material comfort erases my emotional capacity.

And don't go saying that I do/did drugs because of emotional problems. It was fun. But I guess I can't say I did the pain killers for fun. Some of it was definitely because of them.

I won't be surprised if they read this. Hi, Benny, Hi Susan! I resent you! Hahaha

you did drugs with the unbridled enthusiasm of a prisoner escaped. for you, it seems to me, the drugs were a way out of your sheltered bubble where mommy overprotects you.

here's my hypothesis-- your mother is the overprotective one and your father is sort of her enabler-- i mean, he wouldn't mind setting you loose upon the word, but then he'd have to deal with her. am i correct?

so, anyway-- overbearing mothers, male sons, a bad combination after age 12, i don't care what is your sexual orientation.

just work hard for your scholarships man-- and quit the fucking drugs which, well, likely make you stupid-- stupid enough to get caught! ha ha ha. sorry, that was a bit mean... but seriously.

The thing I want to tell them but will never do because they are parents and will never be pro-drug, and I guess they'll find out if they actually read this, is that I've been smoking pot for almost a year. All of my junior year. And my grades are still immaculate. I got the same exact grades as my sophomore year.

I think both of them are more or less the same in how over protective they are. Maybe my dad has just become more like her. I honestly don't know why they are still married. A lot of the time it seems like they should be divorced, I thought that growing up at a very young age. I don't know where I am going with any of this.

holy ass!

well you're not wake & bake (are you?), & who knows, maybe you're self-medicating anxiety.

No, I'm not like a huge stoner or anything. I know how to moderate. And I'm a responsible person.

guess so. or so everyone claims haha.

but anyway, yeah, a job-- becoming more independent will do you good.

what's your pick of a job?

I'll take anything. But I haven't really been looking. I think I'll go pick up some applications tomorrow though.

working by a fryer will give you zits like crazy.

"applications"-- sounds like you wanna work in a mall.

what are your skills? like, ninja skills, computer hacker skills....

eh???

Hahaha.

I don't particularly want fast-food. Working in a mall wouldn't bother me too much.