I feel empty right now
 

This probably isn't the best place to discuss this, but...

I haven't known my girlfriend very long, and we haven't gone on many dates, but every date we have gone on has been absolutely wonderful (except our first, which was kinda awkward at the beginning but by the time it was over I found it hard to leave her)...but she has some issues with depression and self abuse and recently she seriously hurt herself. Her foster parents (her biological mother commited suicide when she was very young and her father became abusive) have basically forced her to get help...otherwise, she will inevitably kill herself (typing that was hard). It's something she must do on her own, and I have faith in her, but while I love her and she loves me, she does not always love herself.

I spoke with her foster mom today, and she told me she hopes she will help herself...

Please, pray for her...I know it's hard to pray for someone you don't know, but, please...just do it anyway.

Neg rep for whomever is tasteless and heartless enough to turn this into an anti-religious thread...

Kill yourself.

wow man i opened this thread expecting it to be about diarrheas but is your gf getting committed or is she just getting therapy? whatever works man. she should do it. getting dead is no fucking good.

She's not getting committed, but she needs more than just therapy sessions...

good thing it's getting done. going crazy is no fun. best wishes mang. supporting her means encouraging her to stick with the treatment, btw.

Genetic, keep your head up and stay there for her. I hope everything works out for you. Times such as these are instances of great pain, strength and growth. Know that they will come to a close. This is just a moment in time. It will pass.

You, your girlfriend and her family are in my prayers.

good luck with all of it man, hope she comes out of her dark times more sooner than later

Man, every girl I've dated has had self-esteem problems, which has inevitably led to self-abuse, either mentally or physically. Even a girl saying she hates herself, constantly, is self-abuse. What I've found is that it usually isn't "serious" -- in the literal sense, I mean; teenage suicide is down, in fact -- but it is EXTREMELY serious, on a deeper level, in the fact that this will be something she will probably have to deal with for a long, long time, as is usually the case. I guess, in my case, I've always been attracted to loners, the girls who aren't big partiers and shit; inevitably, the most interesting people -- and the SMARTEST people -- are suicidal. There is a long history of this, let's look at Burroughs, Hunter S. Thompson, and so on and so forth, it seems like the smarter you are, the less happy you are in life, because ignorance is bliss. I, myself, have always been extremely depressed, but the older I get, the easier it is for me to cope with my problems. But when I was, oh, 20 years old or something, man.. I wanted to fucking DIE!

Anyway, right now, you might get blamed -- by her, by her parents -- you might even blame yourself. Ignore all this. Just be strong. Even if you're depressed out of your mind, yourself, you gotta be strong for her. See, people are ALWAYS looking for someone/something to blame. That's because everyone will be looking for the quick fix. Everyone's so quick to "hey, let's eliminate THIS" "or THAT" "or how about THIS and THAT?" This stuff is never quite that simple. Usually, people who are depressed, are depressed for deep, deep, far-reaching problems that extend many many years back. Some people don't even know why they're so happy, it's more on a subconscious level than anything. Still, life is a cold, depressing landscape. Everyone is looking for ways to escape, to distract themselves from boredom, because boredom is what usually leads us to realize how damn depressing the world really is. "I have nothing else to do, why not focus on HOW MUCH I FUCKING HATE MY LIFE?"

How I "distract" myself from my problems is to play music. For a long ass time recently, I sat in my room and didn't go anywhere and didn't do much. I was very unhappy but now I have got some potential new bandmates and goddammit, I want to play! This won't solve everything, but it gives me somewhere to be, someone who desires my time/talent (y'know, relatively speaking -- I can play some weird arpeggios, I dunno if I'm "talented", but to some people, that's a skill they desire), so I have things to look forward to.

Just try to be there for her. Also realize that she will probably want to be alone a lot, too. Just try to help her create a healthy, comfortable environment for herself. She might get pissed off and push you away and blame you -- but when it's all said and done, she'll appreciate you for everything you have done. And sometimes, the best thing to do is to do nothing. She'll say and do some things right now that might really upset you, but that's probably just to push you away even more. I've had girls say they hate me, just so I'll leave them alone. Sometimes, they were looking for an "excuse" to stop living, so they figured if they could get rid of me, they could kill themselves, since they wouldn't have anything else to live for. Obviously, they always quickly abandoned that way of thinking, but when someone's depressed, they don't always think rationally.

Just be really strong. Realize that not everything right now is going to make sense. You might even have to take a little bit of abuse. You know your limits. But you know what? DON'T BLAME YOURSELF. This is not anything you did. this is not anything she even did. But this is something that, one day, won't matter. Things won't always be like this, no matter how awful they seem right now. You guys can get past this -- what doesn't kill you makes you stronger! Of course it seems like the end of the world right now, but if you can overcome this, you can overcome anything. You will be so much happier in the end. And she will be too.

She's going to be really really selfish right now. She needs to be. Make her feel like that's not a problem. Just make her understand that she has people there for her, who love her, who won't be mad at her for confronting the things she needs to confront. Obviously, just having someone there to really listen to her, will impress her greatly.

Like I said, I've always had these types of issues with girls I've dated -- sometimes, this killed the relationship. Other times, we continued to date for years afterwards. We usually both realized tha this wasn't going to work. However, my girlfrined now -- I love her so much... I am 4 years older than her... we've had similiar lives,to some degree, and then to another extent, our lives have been completely different. Still, we've both dealt with a few things are that identical, so we can definitely empathize on many things. She is such an amazing, wonderful person that I would do anything to help her out.

As of today, she is officially an EMT! She is going to be saving lives. This is all she needed. She can see the light at the end of the tunnel now. She LOVES helping people, period, so being an EMT and literally SAVING LIVES!!!!!!!... this is what she always secretly needed but she didn't realize it until she started taking the classes. Now, all her troubles seem to be going away. Her mind will be on work. She won't have time to be depressed. She'll be out there, with new friends -- peopel with similiar values, no longer surrounding herself with people who bring her down -- really making a DIFFERENCE!

As for me, I've often hung out with big druggies, and I used to think it was fun, but it was only fun because we were fucked up. With a somewhat clearer head, I've personally realized how many people have taken advantage of me, and my good graces. Just realizing I don't need those people to be happy has made me even happier.

You guys will get through this. If you ever need to talk, my pm box is always open.

You're not alone genetic.

My girl got locked away for a few months in a mental ward, a couple years back, after she tried offing herself with sleeping pills. She used to be quite the self-mutilator too. You just need to be there for her throughout everything, and hopefully she will learn to overcome as you hopefully fill a void in her (no sexual pun intended).

My best friend is th same exact way. You just gotta be there for 'em man, usually they just want someone to vent to - to let them know that they're not crazy.

Here's the thing, though- she doesn't really WANT to die, or so she tells me. Yeah, she hurt herself really badly, but it was totally by accident (okay, she hurt herself intentionally but she achieved more than she was trying to). Her foster mom doesn't blame me at all; rather, she kept telling me she knew I was concerned and thanked me again and again for feeling that way...she thinks I'm good for her. Me, on the other hand...I had a chance to go see her when she got back from a trip she went on recently but I turned it down (it was a holiday, I felt obligated to spend it with family)...yeah, I have no small regrets about that.

Yet at the same time, it's useless to regret things. She's in this situation because she cannot let go of the past, and I have the same problem a lot of the time. I'm always rerunning scenarios in my head that happened years ago, thinking about how I could have done things differently...but it's a waste of time. We cannot do anything with the past but learn from it.

Thanks for all your support, guys. Like I said, I have faith in her and of course I'll stand by her throughout this ordeal. It'll be tough, but I will be strong for her, and hopefully she'll feed off that and develop strength for herself. I hate to put it quite like this, but I want to believe she's hit rock bottom...because there's nowhere left to go from there but up.

yeah dood....I really wasn't expecting this type of thread.


anyway.


a generalization of what everyone said.

You know I will pray for her:) and he listens

there's nothing you can do but be there for her.
offering support and understanding can make a huge difference.
it's also very important to understand that SHE has a problem (not caused by you or people around her) and no matter how hard you try you can't simply make it go away - otherwise she might see herself forced to pretend she's feeling better to please other people, and that doesn't have good consequences.
it's also important to understand HOW to live and deal with it, and not build up any unrealistic expectations that she'll ever be 100% fine - she'll feel pressured by it makes her feel like a 'burden'.
if you really want this to be a long term relationship, at some point you might wanna see if her therapist would like to see you, generally they have very good advice and will let you know what you can do to help.

i hope she feels better and it'll be ok - just a difficult period.
sometimes bad things happen for a good reason - in this case she's getting help.

hopefully, things will be better soon.

Amen. Heee hee. No, really, I believe in God, which has caused people to make fun of me, but I don't care. Because there have been things that have happened which totally feel like God telling me to wake up, you know?

But anyway, what doesn't kill you makes your stronger. She is going to learn a lot from this. Girls aren't as thick-headed as men. I have a feeling she's going to learn. I have a feeling this is going to be a profound and meaningful experience for her. Like Knox said, just be there -- don't force anything. Everything will happen as it neeeds to. Try not to worry.

excellent idea.
if he doesn't get freaked out, she won't feel like such a freak and she'll feel like she can talk to someone.
let her know that a lot of people go through this and it's not her fault.

Hey everyone, I want to thank you again for all your support, and I felt it necessary to give you guys a little update.

First, maybe I need to give you guys some background. This whole thing began when I sent two text messages to her without getting a response, and her disappearing from work (we met there). I talked to her foster mom a few days later and she told me everything that had happened, and she had spent a few days in the hospital and had been moved to a crisis center, so she didn't have her phone, but she had my number in case she wanted to call me. I gave her family some stuff to give to her, and they did.

I've been saying little prayers that she be healed and find the courage to talk to me again, and this morning, right after my phone alarm clock went off, I said another one (actually this one was much more informal, along the lines of, "How about it, God? 'Call from [my girlfriend]'?") and literally two seconds later, the phone rings. I didn't recognize the number, but I got the sense that I should answer it. So I did, and lo and behold, it's her. We talked for a little bit; she thanked me for the stuff I gave her family and told me I could come see her if I wanted. Of course I accepted the invitation and when I saw her, she seemed happy and upbeat and told me that if we could get through this, we can get through anything. She also told me I shouldn't overburden myself constantly worrying about her, and I agreed.

She's tough. She'll get through this, and we'll get through this.

Genetic, she is lucky to have you there for her. It can make all the difference in the world to her when someone she cares about really gives a shit. Try to be there thru thick and thin, if she will let you. It will take time.
Yeah, she is lucky to have a guy like you. <3

my ex-girlfriend did kill herself. Not because of me...in fact it was 3 years afterward but a similar situation as your gf. Her dad was abusive and her family life was a total mess. She also did self harm (once carved mine and her initials into her belly inside a heart), and occasionally tried to hang herself.

But guess what? I was 15 and had no fucking idea what to do except comfort her. I was bathed in innocence still and came from a family that was the exact opposite and didn't know what to do. And so she just had enough at one point and hung herself. I hadn't talked to her for years, so I don't know exactly what was up with her life at that point...but it couldn't have been good.

The lesson of this is you need to keep doing something dude and keep proactive about it. Even if she doesn't help herself, if you talk to professionals that know how to handle these matters, they can tell you what you need to know to fix this situation. My prayers go out to you and her bro.

Genetic, keep us posted on this.

I promise further developments will be posted as soon as they are available.

Bump - further developments have become available, so I'm posting them.

I went to see her again on Monday, because it was Valentine's Day. She doesn't have any money and can't leave the crisis center, so she made me a card and did the white board in the meeting room up with "Happy Valentine's Day [my name]!!" real big with hearts and words like "cute" and "fun", "my [her nickname for me]", "always and forever", etc. I got fast food take out for us to have a little dinner together, and I gave her a mix CD of songs I said make me think of her/us...I included Sugar Kane in there because I wanted to introduce her to Sonic Youth, and she seemed to like it...I also put the Psychedelic Furs' Pretty in Pink (the good version from 1981) on there, and it's been playing in my head all day as I've thought about her. Someone once called that song a "sad song about a unique girl", and it's fitting, because she sort of has a "happy sad" vibe to her, like she loves life (she sings along to songs she likes and wears colorful socks) but is struggling against some unseen enemy (to be honest though, I only picked it because she likes the color pink).

It was a somewhat mixed time. We shared candy hearts and she showed me her room, which was apparently against the rules since we were quickly told to go back to the meeting room. There were collages on the walls she'd made, and they made me feel good about her, because their overall vibe was "I've been badly hurt in the past, but I won't give up". However, when we were back in the meeting room, she told me she cries every night and is feeling cooped up and useless, and was thinking about running away. I told her that she should just sit tight and just try and make the best of things for now...but I don't know how much impact that had. She keeps saying she's crazy and I keep telling her she's not. I encourage her by telling her how much I believe in her and I say positive things like "remember no matter how dark the past was, the future will always be brighter", but her attitude towards getting treatment is somewhat pouty and immature. More than anything right now, she wants to get out of where she's at, if only for a little while. I'm going to talk to her foster mom to see if there isn't something we could work out. There's a bowling alley close by, and she and I both like bowling, so maybe if I could take her there on the condition I'd bring her back by a certain time, it could really help her.

At the end of the day, I can't help but wonder if maybe she knows herself better than those trying to help her do. She once told me she used to take her bad feelings out on others, and made up her mind she wouldn't anymore. Since she's been in the crisis center, she's been flexing her creative muscles and channeling her negative emotions into more positive outlets. So who's to say she can't will herself to stop taking her feelings out on herself?

You're really a fantastic man, Genetic.

I've been in same position as your girlfriend a number of times. From 15-19 I was consistently in and out of psych wards for suicide attempts and severe depression. Of course she wants to leave, but that's not always the best answer. Those places, while helpful, feel like hell sometimes. Being told when/if you can see family and friends, when to go to bed, what you're eating, etc. is never a good feeling and makes a person feel as she said "cooped up and useless". Encourage her to follow through with her therapy, and when she's out continue to see a shrink or therapist.

It takes A LOT of effort to get through stuff like this and any and all help is always appreciated in the end. I can say with some certainty that I've dealt with the majority of my shit but life is never the same and people are never 'fixed'. Those feelings still come back to haunt you once it's over and she just needs to take them head-on.

You're in my prayers, hombre. You're one of the few decent people left and don't let any discouragement get you down. You can only keep your sanity by giving it to others.

^ ya. I agree...

genetic is awesome. you're really a kind dood.



anyways! I've been feeling empty....but I just don't have any desire to eat...

This might be the last update for a little while...I hate to air my dirty laundry on the board, but I consider a lot of you guys to be like pen pals or something along those lines. And it can be more satisfying talking about this semi-anonymously than to my parents, my girlfriend's foster mom, or her not-always-supportive biological sister.

Yesterday while I was at work, she called my cell phone and since I was unable to answer her, she left a long voicemail saying she doesn't have feelings for me right now and isn't sure if she will again, and basically that she needs to focus on herself for the time being, but she still wanted to be my friend and I could call her back if I wanted. I called her back an hour or so later on my lunch break...I had planned out all the things I was going to say, but when the crisis center put her on the phone, I was fairly speechless for a good minute or so. When I regained my composure, I told her that I wasn't going to try and change her mind or convince her to feel the way she did before if it doesn't come to her naturally. But I did tell her sometimes you need to take life one day at a time...she told me there's a lot of uncertainty in her life right now, and she's not even sure if she'll return home when it's over. I told her that if she does return to Pittsburgh, she should look me up...I told her take care, and that I love her, and hung up.

So that's it, for now, anyway...but, I can't help but feel...ever see the movie Millenium? Don't. It's a horrible film; poor acting, thin plot, weak effects even for the time (1989), and to top it off, Kris Kristofferson played the lead role. However, its last line did make an impression upon me, and in this case, it fits:

"This is not the end...this is not the beginning of the end...it is the end of the beginning."

Call it love, faith, optimism, wishful thinking, or just plain denial if you want, but it's the way I feel.

^
dood. It's probably just what she's going through. It seems like a hard thing to do....keeping a relationship while trying to piece yourself back together. I mean....surely in the future she'll realize how much you cared for her during her rough times.
















ps....NOW i'm at the final boss in PSIV. I'm choosing that Esper chick cause of her kick ass heal. though I think I need to level a up a bit...oh and I also got that spell from Anger tower on that hidden planet, the name escapes me atm.

^I always used Raja...not only can he heal well (his Miracle skill brings everyone back with near-full HP),but his St. Fire skill is very effective against the Profound Darkness...