Sounds like you are 17 going on 18, and dealing with feelings that everyone of us who has had to grow up has felt at some point.The future is scary! But it is all about what you make of it man! Take peace in knowing that you are not alone in feeling those depressing thoughts, the masses are asses. But, don't let negative thoughts consume you. A positive attitude emits positive energy in effect causing positive things to happen!

BTW- If I was going to kill you I'd have to have fun while doing it, thus torture and a slow painful death would ensue...

Collective suffering doesn't make it better.

You may slowly kill me if need be.

So what do you want (apart from dying)?

What would you like here?

man this is me in my very early twenties.....
I really focused on recording music at that time and tried as much as possible to turn this existential/nihilistic junk into creative art. At that time i would also do large collages, writing and so recording music on the four track. With hindsight this period of time must have been my most creative, albeit maybe not the "best".
try to express it all through whichever media suits you.
I also travelled a whole lot, on my own, meeting weird people on my way.
What you explain is not "abnormal" in any way, i believe it's part of your "Buildungs" process.
take care!

Alex, just get plastered, and then whoa! problem solved... until next morning.

sounds like you need to catch some spiritual fire brother

I know how you feel, in my own way.....totally stuck. No outlet for it. Feel like I shoulda known how by now.

Fuckit!

Go break guitars on amps...I mean....that always sounds like fun.