i'm 15, what do you expect? i've never even laid hands on a cig.

I knew kids when I was fifteen who were blazed out 24/7. But yeah, that shit isn't for me, I have enough problems already. Never been drunk or high either.

One time I woke up in the back of my car and some girl was sitting next to me and I was really wasted and I was like "Who the fuck are you and what the hell are you doing in my car?"

It turned out that she was a foreign exchange student my friend was trying to score with.

I was in and out of treatment before I even turned 15.

Laaaaame.

sorry to hear that, dear.

Little Johnny Jewel Fuck Yeah!

"Dude, your cigarette smells like meat. That's disgusting."

I don't say funny things (sober or otherwise).

getting fucked up is SERIOUS BUSINESS.


now....me using the women's restroom at the movie theater and honestly wondering where the urinals went....THAT'S comedy gold. I'm not sure the ladies sharing the room with me thought it was as funny as I did, but fuck 'em if they can't take a joke.

When somebody asked me where a bottle opener was; "On the 5th shelf of your 2nd anus."